A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
