We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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