Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
