Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
