I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
