The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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