so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
