Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
