thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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