Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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