david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
