You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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