I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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