Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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