I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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