does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
