First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
