All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
