I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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