respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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