hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
