Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dick has a subreddit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
