yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize