Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
