handjob tips. give me some.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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