How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
