it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
