we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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