Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
