So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
