I'm lost and stupid without you.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
