Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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