Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
