I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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