my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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