I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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