It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
