how can u be prego again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
