Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
