all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told me I talked like a deaf person
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
