omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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