You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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