Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
