is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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