Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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