Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
