I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
