i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
