I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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