I faked an abortion last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
