Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
