U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
