Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
