i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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