Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
