got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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