we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
