Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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