Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize