I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
