I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
