accomplished twins. life is a go
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
