i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
