Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
