You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want nice things and good sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
