I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
