Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
