I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
