i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's like iHOP with fire
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize