Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
