I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
