I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize